“If you wait, you will get double!”
Have you ever taken a young child out to the store, dreading that they will be asking for everything on the shelves and making you late for your next appointment? It’s the nightmare that many parents dread as they teach their child patience while they complete their errands.
Sometimes we ignore this simple process. But, it has economic implications for your child in the future. Experiments conducted at Stanford University by Walter Mischel and his colleagues showed the importance of delayed gratification (https://youtu.be/BLtQqRrDsC4). Children who were able to wait until the experimenter returned to receive a second marshmallow experienced more success in life. This is due to increased self-control and scoring up to 200 point more on their SAT scores when applying for college.
Who would have thought a marshmallow was so powerful in predicting the kind of adults we would become?
Consider the contrasting event with an adult. Check out the fellow in the following video link: https://youtu.be/nHE3vQJpJo4. What traits are revealed about him as the experimenters attempt to collect their data?
We may chuckle at his antics, but we all know someone like this. Don’t we? Think of how they always focus on their immediate need to pleasure self above feeling connected to others? It is challenging.
So, what can I offer you as a remedy today?
I offer you the Choice Theory of the William Glasser Institute and the corresponding 7 caring habits [https://wglasser.com/our-approach/choice-theory/].
Choice theory states that:
- all we do is behave,
- that almost all behavior is chosen, and
- that we are driven by our genes to satisfy five basic needs: survival, love and belonging, power, freedom and fun (William Glasser Institute, 2017).
So, how do you get double the pleasure in your relationship? Instead of living by the world’s 7 deadly habits below, try cultivating the 7 caring habits that cause relationships to thrive.
|Seven Caring Habits||Seven Deadly Habits|
|1 .Supporting||1. Criticizing|
|2 .Encouraging||2 .Blaming|
|3. Listening||3. Complaining|
|4. Accepting||4. Nagging|
|5. Trusting||5. Threatening|
|6 .Respecting||6. Punishing|
|7. Negotiating differences||7 .Bribing, rewarding to control|
Copyright The William Glasser Institute (2017).
Some wonderful people to as about this are people who have been successfully married for 50 to 60 years. They may be rare, but they are hidden somewhere in your network. Find one or two and drop in for a visit. They will tell you that everyday, they have to remember the lessons that they have learnt over the years. Chief among all is that to receive double the benefits, they had to give double the wait.
The decision to wait and ultimately receive double the reward for waiting is captured in Robert Frost’s poem, “The Road Not Taken.” As he ends the contemplation of his time in the woods, he writes, “Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference” (Robert Frost, 1916).
Are you looking for a difference today? Will you take the road less traveled or the well-traveled path?
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Remember, Dear Little Brother, … is around the bend. The brief delay is simply a result of cultural expansions.